Blog Post #11 - Personality

1) In my opinion, my personality is very complex. In some aspects I do not even know what my personality is. For example, I see myself as an organized person because I hate disorganization. If you would look in my locker at my binders and books, you would say I'm extremely organized, but if you would look at my room . . . well you would think the exact opposite. I love to organize things, but I find I have a lack of time. I sometimes portray opposite personality traits. Sometimes I will be very outgoing, while other times I will not want to talk to anyone. Overall, I believe that these personality traits fit me well:

Positive Traits
- Open-minded: by being open-minded, I am open to experience many new and exciting things! Even if I am a little timid, if I know I will be safe, I push myself to try it, at least once because then I can say that I did it. This gives me a sense of pride.
- Caring/Thoughtful: by being caring and thoughtful, I find that other peoples' attitudes towards are positive. When people have a positive attitude towards you, you end up making more friends, more connections, and in the end, more opportunities. Being caring and thoughtful also makes me feel good because I love helping others.
- Controlled: I can control my actions and words very well. I keep many of my thoughts and feelings to myself, unless I really trust a person. By controlling my actions and my words, I do not get into trouble very often.
- Careful: I take care in everything I do. I am usually very careful in my choice of words and actions, which also keeps me out of trouble. When performing a job or homework I take care in the work I am doing so that it is the best it can be. By doing this, employers and other people trust me with several tasks.
- Leadership: Through the FFA I have learned several leadership skills. I can use these skills throughout my whole life. By being a leader I can successfully drive a group with a common goal to success. I am also very good at listening to peoples' ideas and utilizing each individual's talent(s) to contribute to the final goal.
- Perfectionist: As a perfectionist, I put a lot of time and effort into everything I do, which usually results in outstanding work. This is my most dominate trait (just ask anyone who knows me). People recognize the outstanding work that results from my perfectionism and I am given several opportunities because of it.

Negative Traits
- Moody: When I am moody, I affect all of the people around me in a negative way. I am crabby towards those I love most because I am most comfortable expressing my mood/feelings to them. I do not like being moody. If I become moody, everyone else I care about also becomes sad and moody, which makes me sad and makes the whole situation worse.
- Procrastination: I constantly wait until the last minute to do things. I hate being a procrastinator because it causes me a lot of stress. I have cried and cried and worried over things that I have to get done in a very short period of time. I believe one reason I am like this is because I do not have good time perception at all. When I think to myself that I have a week to do something, that week flies by really fast and there I sit with a ton of work to do in just one day.
- Perfectionist: Perfectionism is my greatest quality, yet it is also one of my worst. As a perfectionist, I take a lot of time to do things; too much time. I always find myself rushing to get things done. My perfectionism also causes me great anxiety because if I don't feel that my work is perfect, I cannot settle with it. I have to keep racking my brain to get the best results.

2) I do not know if I would call myself an optimist, but I want to and I try to be optimistic. In all situations, I try really hard to find the silver lining, but sometimes trying to be optimistic is so overwhelming. Sometimes I cannot find or accept the silver lining. I find my life is a lot easier when I am passive and optimistic, but the process of pushing myself to find and accept the silver lining is sometimes exhausting and causes me to become even more upset and tired. I want to be optimistic so bad, but some people tell me I am a pessimist. I really don't know what I am. I guess it just depends on the situation. For example, when I am angry over something simple, such as getting one bad grade or fussing over something little that bothered me, I always try to tell myself that getting upset and angry is stupid. I tell myself that my life is so much better than most people. Would I rather be living in a third world country with very little food, water, and shelter? I can also think of an example of my pessimism. I was extremely excited for hunting season this year because it is the one time out of the year I get to see Dad's side of the family (most of them live in Milwaukee), but when I learned that none of them were coming, my excitement dropped to depression. Don't get me wrong, I love hunting and spending time with Dad, but I really wanted to see my family, plus now we won't have enough people to make drives, which are my favorite part of hunting. I had a good time hunting for this first weekend because two of our friends that have a cabin two miles down the road from us stopped by everyday, but they are leaving Tuesday. I don't know what is to come for the rest of the week. My heart aches just thinking about it.

3) Sometimes I am outgoing, while other times I am very conceded. When I am in a good mood and I am with people who are also outgoing and talkative, I have no problem being outgoing myself, but when I am in a group of crabby and quiet people, I find it very hard to leave my comfort zone. Even if I try to be sociable and outgoing, I usually feel like I fail when I cannot influence others to talk back and do the same. This benefits me because it allows me to express my true self and feelings to those people who care. I do not always express my feelings or opinions unless I know and trust the people I am telling it to.
Most of the time I have a good attitude, but sometimes I have a horrible temper. I only get a temper when I am around the people I trust and love the most because they are the only ones I feel comfortable expressing everything to. I also only get a temper when something sets me off. The trigger is usually a single statement, which I blow up at. This is not a trait that I would call good, but it does benefit me because it allows me to just let go of all of the horrible feelings that were building up inside of me. When I blow up, After I sleep and wake up in the morning, I feel so much better than the day before and I can talk about the situation more calmly.


4)Reaction formation: A defense mechanism by which the ego unconsciously switches unacceptable impulses into their opposites. I used to be terrified of large carnival rides (mainly because I am afraid of heights), but one time my cousin got me to ride on one. I absolutely loved it. From then on, even if I was afraid of a ride that I had never gone on before, I tell myself that I am not afraid. When I am freaking out inside, while climbing the steep hill of a roller coaster, I tell myself that I am not afraid of heights. Then, I divert my attention to talking excessively and admiring the wonderful view.
Projection: A defense mechanism by which people disguise their own threatening impulses by attributing them to others. My boyfriend constantly bugs me about my procrastination and it bothers me. Therefore, the second I see him even think about procrastinating about something, I am quick to jump on it an confront him.
Displacement: A defense mechanism that shifts sexual or aggressive impulses toward a more acceptable or less threatening object or person. I express this defense mechanism a lot when I am having a bad day. I usually end up taking it out on my parents or my boyfriend by snapping at them and being quick to judge them for any little thing they do. I hate doing this and I don't even know why I do it. I always feel horrible when I do do this.